One year later...

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

After a year of going missing from, here I am today with my Burger + Fries tee organising my thoughts because I have so many things to tell you. In just a year, I struggled with so many things like work, family and friends. They are probably similar to your struggles, but allow me to share mine with you. I am still healing. We shall do this together, okay?

If you ask what happened to the boy who hurt me? I don't know. I met him at a competition, and I genuinely wanted to pour water over his head. Legit. That was what I imagined I'd do, or what I rehearsed to do. Trust me; I had every possible scenario planned out in my head. But for some reason, I simply chose to stay silent. My legs wouldn't walk towards him, my lips glued and my eyes refused to look at him. I was fuming, but what happened to the big drama "It's your loss" kinda speech? I was supposed to be fearless.

I guess the best way to move on for me was to stay away. I did. Although I was still harping about the debt I gave up collecting, I just wanted to stay away. I did not want to be connected to him because of money. No matter what was thrown at me on Twitter, or on every possible medium, I dismissed them. In fact, I want to thank him for what he did. The next time I see him, I want to be able to smile and thank him.

It's a story worth telling to girls out there who put getting a husband as their number one priority. Because of this adversity, I made dua for myself to be a better person. I made dua that Allah would guide me to feel better. I went to a syarahan with a friend after the breakup. Me? At a syarahan? All the way to Bukit Batok, guys. I found solace in Islamic books these days. I put focus on my ambition and my niyyah to be a better daughter and sister. Allah removed two people from my life. Allah also replaced my sadness with rizq and love from family and friends. If your heart hurts, Alhamdulillah. It means you have a heart, and you will not inflict pain on others.

Don't worry, I'll blog about my realization some other time. It's beautiful, I tell you. Ni konon macam Introduction lah...


Amalia on falia.and.amz

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