Rainbow after the rain

Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Because society expects me to stay single for a long time after the break up. Society expects me not to settle. At least not until I've healed. Truth is, I will still be broken. One thing is for sure. I don't need to be afraid to love. 

I'd rather settle on one when I think he fits than going around on dates. Sure, there's nothing wrong with going on dates but if it's with different men, then I question myself. I have friends who recommended dating sites but I put down my profile immediately because I don't feel good about putting myself out there to make sure I feel valid. What is it that I want? For acceptance? Because I caught my past going out with girls from dating sites, so do you think I want to be found by another attached person? No. No offense to those who are dating via dating sites. This is just my opinion. This is just me. I am nobody to judge any of you and I certainly do not question the success rate of meeting partners from the dating sites. I told myself kalau ada, ada. Kalau tak ada, Allah dah tetapkan jodoh saya.

I avoided talking to men who tried their chances immediately after the break up because I feel that they weren't respecting me as a person. I was fragile and I knew I'd probably love the company but no. I paid attention to my job, I paid attention to my family, I paid attention to my relationship with Allah. I am aware that this is supposed to be a secret but like I blogged before, Allah is sufficient and I trust Him to pair me up with a good man. I met someone. Whether he is my jodoh or not, I'll leave it entirely to Him. After the whole trial I went through, I should learn how to redha by now.

Friends told me to keep my guard up because it all starts well. If it doesn't work out, I'll hold on to what my father advised me. "Tuhan nak jumpakan dengan yang ini buat pengajaran juga. Jadi kau tahu bezakan, jadi kau tahu memilih. Ingat masa sedih, ingat pengajarannya, jangan ulang lagi."

If it does, I am a very lucky woman.


Amalia on falia.and.amz

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